356 days

One year ago today I was shot. The shooter fired  8 bullets, hitting me five times; once through the eye socket and out my neck, as well as into my arms, shoulder and elbow. 

The shock through my skull detached my retina, and the damage to my carotid artery caused me to have a stroke, which caused cause me to lose the sense of feeling in my whole left side.

Most days I suffer through intense nerve pain, I  have only partial vision in my left eye and the loss of feeling has caused me not to be able to type normally or tie my shoe. On nights I actually can sleep, it's reliving the nightmare sound of those gunshots that wakes me up, with the actual taste of gunpowder in my mouth. 

That night, I never saw who shot me clearly, I felt a presence approach me and sensed bad enough energy that made me attack first. I threw a an elbow that made him scream - his teeth marks are still there- and the next noise was the bullet that entered my face.

The police are still working the case, it remains open as an attempted murder. There are a couple clues that I can't discuss.

Of course I have  my own theories, from someone trying to get put on a hood  to a disgruntled ex  with a lover , young, dumb, and whipped enugh to fall for/do anything for the 🌮. 

Regardless of what happened or who did it,  I am the virtual example of what being blessed  by God really is.

Initially, I wanted revenge like Trump wants attention... even had folks cross state lines intent and prepped to carry out payback missions if only I gave the word. I didn't, for a lot of reasons I can't fully explain other than I clearly am a good person and I love Allah more than the idea of disappointing/angering Him.

I've learned that the truth of any moral conviction lies in it being tested. So many things about my faith and how I see the world were tested that might, especially God's mercy.

With shattered bones, pints of blood gone, and eating only via a syringe, I learned He is more real than I ever knew or declare, and I have benefitted from mercy, kindness, and opportunities that I never even deserved. 

Over the last 12 months my desire for revenge has melded somewhat  into pity, indifference, and I daresay, compassion. 

And I say "somewhat" because I'm still human so I still harbor a flame of anger in my heart  for whoever it was who plotted/shot me but even that is tempered  by an overwhelming feeling of triumph, a feeling that comes from knowing God's mere shadow is enough to save you from Death itself.

These days, when I wake I'm comforted more from the sound of my infant son curled up and snoring beside me or giggling in his sleep. The laughter and  support from my friends, family, dope gf, and mi Muslim familia  are so loud in my life, I don't hear the gunshots any more.

And  I imagine sooner than later, I won't even feel them any more either...

#oneyearlater #AllahuAkbar