A Manifest
I am going to talk
I've been back to prison for parole revocations twice now, because I was upfront, vocal, and honest about why I first went to prison in 2013. Simply put, I went because my ex-wife Dominique made false claims of domestic violence against me. Claims that began falling apart as my case progressed. However, in the middle of my marital turmoil, I made attempts at reconciling with Dominique, despite the fact of being barred from interacting with her by automatic protection order. That love-blind decision came back to bite my behind when, as her hoax began to unravel, the DA salvaged her prosecution by filling 19 cases of misdemeanor violation of protection order.
I was literally facing an unprecedented 19 years in the county jail. It seemed improbable, if not absurd, until another local defendant made news being sentenced to an unprecedented county jail sentence of over 10 years. Long story short, I took a deal for an "open" sentence, expecting probation. Unfortunately, I was sentenced by a judge new to the case, who was annoyed by my lack of remorse. He gave me 4 years prison.
I am going to set the record straight
Not only did ex-wifey lie, she did so repeatedly, and with variety. Indeed I'd heard many over the course of our marriage, and more since then. I've been catfished online, told tall tales involving fake deaths (of real AND fake people), cheated on, stolen from, and manipulated. All because of my crime of loving a sick and scarred woman. My ex's portrayal of me as an abuser is a convenient whitewash that blots out her own obsessive and abusive behaviors. Her fables give a revisionist twist on the love and loyalty I displayed as her husband. I was the one that pulled a special op to liberate her and her kids' belongings after he kicked her out of the place they shared. I am the one who defended her honor and offered restitution after her myriad of thefts from jobs, friends, churches, even her kids' school. My self defense, of course, alarms and scares her. Rightfully so, like sunlight to a vampire.
I am going to slay dragons
I think about Jared Fogle, how he wowwed us with his weight loss story and triumphed as a Subway spokesperson. Yet beneath his "everyday" man veneer was a heinous child predator. I think of Tiger - aptly named - got how he performed on the links, yet his facade was hiding hedonist misogyny. I think about Lance Armstrong, the superman who had the world wearing yellow silicone bracelets, who would scorch the earth against rivals and critics...yet in truth, really a liar and a cheat. I think about a young Black talent I watched grow up from the Cosby show, assassinated because a Black female told lies on him. And speaking of Cosby - he himself would use stages and mics to admonish black people to betterment, while pursuing a career as a rapist.
I think of Dom and see similar hypocrisy. She would make her stepdaughter languish in her menstrual blood, not offering any of her own sanitary products out of spite/cruelty, yet pen a celebrated, feminist "period poem." She would recite verses lamenting chain gangs, yet construct a hoax to send her husband to prison. Dominique is a prolific talent with savant like abilities, but hers is a broken word poetry. Behind her compelling prose and stanzas lies a dark, disturbing truth of lies, narcissism, and emotional poison that I have tasted first hand. And now I cry havoc...
My painting will not be pretty
The woman who had been both an Agrippina and a Delilah to me, and a Medusa to others, had built a house of cards glued together with my blood and I'm going to collapse it like Hannibal Buress did Cosby. The curtain I pull back will let in a light of brutal honesty, even about and against myself, but it will illuminate and expose the person I thought was an inspiration and a part of me for the liar, predator, thief, and sociopathic manipulator that she is (and has been, sadly, known to be). I intend to write and speak out loud about the details of my life, my marriage(s), and my case.
Because it will render her ugly, Dom will cringe and retaliate (again). A handful of her flying monkeys and many an oblivious fan will rally to her cause - But I will not, on the life of my unborn and miscarried child (because of her), be deterred.
Qisas is the word.
Is there some payback in this for me? Yes. Jesus (peace be on him) is the homie and my bro from a different mama, but I don't subscribe to the Christianist notion of turning the other cheek for another slap. And though I know what it is like to be kissed by Judas, I cannot submit peacefully to an unjust crucifixion. I am a Muslim and requittal is written as law in Allah's (swt) Holy Book - and I admit to the frailty of not having refined myself to the caveat of "overlook and forgive" that is attached to that same law.
I don't know what retribution looks like (for this)
I had freedom (3+ years), property, dignity, and reputation stolen from me by lies and malice, that I cannot get back. My record has rendered me a social pariah for years to come, providing a struggle to simply live that will certainly require every ounce of attention and effort. Many friends have repeated the mantra, "success is the best revenge." I call bullshit on that one. Indeed there are one or two people who walk the Earth that I haven't settled scores with. Like the child molester who pointed a gun in my face because I didn't want him around my kids. And while I refused to testify against the dude who blindsided me back in 2010 with brass knuckles, I'm still looking forward to a one-on-one "conversation" with him.
I believe that payback is one of the many human needs that is not necessarily met by design in this world (a totally philosophical thought colored by religious epiphany that I won't go into here) but the need and drive for it hardly goes away. Even as I'm spurred by the idea that the tribulations my ex has put me through must be answered for, and at/by my hand, I don't even know what the "even" in "getting even" looks like.
Maybe that's because my story is bigger than me (or her)
What I've experienced is but a slice of a bigger life that Black people have lived post-slavery - one of pain, trauma, and psychosis born from centuries of being considered and treated as inferior and sub-human. Physical/sexual abuse, deception, manipulation, and self-hate are extreme apotropaic (to ward of evil) measures we institute against ourselves, using evil to cope with evil perpetuated over the course of generations. We think nothing of ourselves, less of our skin color(s). We treat each other as bad as slave catchers or Bull Connors did. We decry and roil against white supremacy, but we seem to find more value in victimizing each other with appalling ease. Our marital/romantic relationships are battlegrounds where hearts and human dignity are casualties and collateral damage. Prisons have replaced plantations, and we seem to remain enslaved as to think and act - committing crimes or weaving lies - as if prison is where Black folks belong.
However, I'm launching my own efforts to mitigate the cultural pathology we suffer from, a pathology that had mutated into my life for certain. I am going to be loud, insistent, and sincere - because fabrication is her tool, not mine. Oh, she'll loath being unmasked and my vindication, as popular as my ex has become, she'll surely deign to clap back. But I'm not that dude - I won't cower or shrivel while the Devil dances a jig.
Whatever inch of Earth scorched or dragon slain, the epilogue I hope to write will be of triumph and healing. Whether I can obtain that grail or drink from it, or not, I fully intend to die trying.
Acknowledgment:
This writer wild like to acknowledge and shout-out the following:
Ken, The Twins, Ansar, Kojo, Robin, Tunda, Deka, Halim, Anton, Stero, Hashim, Rico, Brother Jeff, Gloria, Pete, Mums, Team Edge, Ladi, Fatimah, Ali, Soulah, Nick, Joan, Imani, Latifah, Asiyah, Vernecia, JJ, Samir/Aja, and Bilal.
Special sympathy for the dupes and flying monkeys.
Sincere prayer for Abdul Khaliq and Igi.
And to Umarah: this is for you.
P.S.: thank you for your open honesty, I am inspired. Rest in Peace Carrie Fisher.
I've been back to prison for parole revocations twice now, because I was upfront, vocal, and honest about why I first went to prison in 2013. Simply put, I went because my ex-wife Dominique made false claims of domestic violence against me. Claims that began falling apart as my case progressed. However, in the middle of my marital turmoil, I made attempts at reconciling with Dominique, despite the fact of being barred from interacting with her by automatic protection order. That love-blind decision came back to bite my behind when, as her hoax began to unravel, the DA salvaged her prosecution by filling 19 cases of misdemeanor violation of protection order.
I was literally facing an unprecedented 19 years in the county jail. It seemed improbable, if not absurd, until another local defendant made news being sentenced to an unprecedented county jail sentence of over 10 years. Long story short, I took a deal for an "open" sentence, expecting probation. Unfortunately, I was sentenced by a judge new to the case, who was annoyed by my lack of remorse. He gave me 4 years prison.
I am going to set the record straight
Not only did ex-wifey lie, she did so repeatedly, and with variety. Indeed I'd heard many over the course of our marriage, and more since then. I've been catfished online, told tall tales involving fake deaths (of real AND fake people), cheated on, stolen from, and manipulated. All because of my crime of loving a sick and scarred woman. My ex's portrayal of me as an abuser is a convenient whitewash that blots out her own obsessive and abusive behaviors. Her fables give a revisionist twist on the love and loyalty I displayed as her husband. I was the one that pulled a special op to liberate her and her kids' belongings after he kicked her out of the place they shared. I am the one who defended her honor and offered restitution after her myriad of thefts from jobs, friends, churches, even her kids' school. My self defense, of course, alarms and scares her. Rightfully so, like sunlight to a vampire.
I am going to slay dragons
I think about Jared Fogle, how he wowwed us with his weight loss story and triumphed as a Subway spokesperson. Yet beneath his "everyday" man veneer was a heinous child predator. I think of Tiger - aptly named - got how he performed on the links, yet his facade was hiding hedonist misogyny. I think about Lance Armstrong, the superman who had the world wearing yellow silicone bracelets, who would scorch the earth against rivals and critics...yet in truth, really a liar and a cheat. I think about a young Black talent I watched grow up from the Cosby show, assassinated because a Black female told lies on him. And speaking of Cosby - he himself would use stages and mics to admonish black people to betterment, while pursuing a career as a rapist.
I think of Dom and see similar hypocrisy. She would make her stepdaughter languish in her menstrual blood, not offering any of her own sanitary products out of spite/cruelty, yet pen a celebrated, feminist "period poem." She would recite verses lamenting chain gangs, yet construct a hoax to send her husband to prison. Dominique is a prolific talent with savant like abilities, but hers is a broken word poetry. Behind her compelling prose and stanzas lies a dark, disturbing truth of lies, narcissism, and emotional poison that I have tasted first hand. And now I cry havoc...
My painting will not be pretty
The woman who had been both an Agrippina and a Delilah to me, and a Medusa to others, had built a house of cards glued together with my blood and I'm going to collapse it like Hannibal Buress did Cosby. The curtain I pull back will let in a light of brutal honesty, even about and against myself, but it will illuminate and expose the person I thought was an inspiration and a part of me for the liar, predator, thief, and sociopathic manipulator that she is (and has been, sadly, known to be). I intend to write and speak out loud about the details of my life, my marriage(s), and my case.
Because it will render her ugly, Dom will cringe and retaliate (again). A handful of her flying monkeys and many an oblivious fan will rally to her cause - But I will not, on the life of my unborn and miscarried child (because of her), be deterred.
Qisas is the word.
Is there some payback in this for me? Yes. Jesus (peace be on him) is the homie and my bro from a different mama, but I don't subscribe to the Christianist notion of turning the other cheek for another slap. And though I know what it is like to be kissed by Judas, I cannot submit peacefully to an unjust crucifixion. I am a Muslim and requittal is written as law in Allah's (swt) Holy Book - and I admit to the frailty of not having refined myself to the caveat of "overlook and forgive" that is attached to that same law.
I don't know what retribution looks like (for this)
I had freedom (3+ years), property, dignity, and reputation stolen from me by lies and malice, that I cannot get back. My record has rendered me a social pariah for years to come, providing a struggle to simply live that will certainly require every ounce of attention and effort. Many friends have repeated the mantra, "success is the best revenge." I call bullshit on that one. Indeed there are one or two people who walk the Earth that I haven't settled scores with. Like the child molester who pointed a gun in my face because I didn't want him around my kids. And while I refused to testify against the dude who blindsided me back in 2010 with brass knuckles, I'm still looking forward to a one-on-one "conversation" with him.
I believe that payback is one of the many human needs that is not necessarily met by design in this world (a totally philosophical thought colored by religious epiphany that I won't go into here) but the need and drive for it hardly goes away. Even as I'm spurred by the idea that the tribulations my ex has put me through must be answered for, and at/by my hand, I don't even know what the "even" in "getting even" looks like.
Maybe that's because my story is bigger than me (or her)
What I've experienced is but a slice of a bigger life that Black people have lived post-slavery - one of pain, trauma, and psychosis born from centuries of being considered and treated as inferior and sub-human. Physical/sexual abuse, deception, manipulation, and self-hate are extreme apotropaic (to ward of evil) measures we institute against ourselves, using evil to cope with evil perpetuated over the course of generations. We think nothing of ourselves, less of our skin color(s). We treat each other as bad as slave catchers or Bull Connors did. We decry and roil against white supremacy, but we seem to find more value in victimizing each other with appalling ease. Our marital/romantic relationships are battlegrounds where hearts and human dignity are casualties and collateral damage. Prisons have replaced plantations, and we seem to remain enslaved as to think and act - committing crimes or weaving lies - as if prison is where Black folks belong.
However, I'm launching my own efforts to mitigate the cultural pathology we suffer from, a pathology that had mutated into my life for certain. I am going to be loud, insistent, and sincere - because fabrication is her tool, not mine. Oh, she'll loath being unmasked and my vindication, as popular as my ex has become, she'll surely deign to clap back. But I'm not that dude - I won't cower or shrivel while the Devil dances a jig.
Whatever inch of Earth scorched or dragon slain, the epilogue I hope to write will be of triumph and healing. Whether I can obtain that grail or drink from it, or not, I fully intend to die trying.
Acknowledgment:
This writer wild like to acknowledge and shout-out the following:
Ken, The Twins, Ansar, Kojo, Robin, Tunda, Deka, Halim, Anton, Stero, Hashim, Rico, Brother Jeff, Gloria, Pete, Mums, Team Edge, Ladi, Fatimah, Ali, Soulah, Nick, Joan, Imani, Latifah, Asiyah, Vernecia, JJ, Samir/Aja, and Bilal.
Special sympathy for the dupes and flying monkeys.
Sincere prayer for Abdul Khaliq and Igi.
And to Umarah: this is for you.
P.S.: thank you for your open honesty, I am inspired. Rest in Peace Carrie Fisher.
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