I Don’t Visit My Son

  Let me say this plainly:

I don’t visit my son.

I had to check somebody on that recently while filling out paperwork. The form asked about “visitation” and who the “custodial parent” was.

Nah.

That might sound small to some people, but it’s not. That’s how the system quietly frames fathers before we even open our mouths.

In Colorado, we don’t even use those terms anymore—at least not legally.

There’s no “custody.”
There’s no “visiting parent.”

There is parental responsibility.
There is parenting time.

That’s intentional. That shift in language is supposed to reflect something real: both parents matter.

But here’s the problem—the culture hasn’t caught up to the law.

So what happens?

You get professionals still using outdated language.
You get systems still thinking in outdated roles.
And worst of all—you get fathers who don’t push back.

Let me be clear:
If you don’t check the language, the language will check you.

Calling it “visitation” makes you sound like a guest.
Calling her the “custodial parent” makes it sound like she’s the default.

And if you accept that framing, don’t be surprised when the outcomes follow it.

Now I’m not just putting this on the system—I’m putting this on us too.

Too many fathers:

• Don’t read their orders carefully
• Don’t engage the process
• Don’t challenge what’s in front of them

Then get mad when they’re treated like they don’t matter.

You can’t afford to be passive in a system that already expects less from you.

You’ve got to:

• Know the language
• Use the language
• Correct the language

Because words shape reality.

And I refuse—flat out refuse—to be labeled a visitor in my son’s life.

I’m his father.

Act accordingly.