What Men (Actually) Look For In A Woman

It’s a constant question: What do men look for in a woman? Yet, it seems that every time it is asked, the answer is never very honest, or it’s clichéd or just plain off-target. And so the question goes. 

And goes...

So here’s an answer I hope will be appreciated. (As I write this, I am single – and looking.)

Men, as humans go, are primal and what we look for in a woman is driven by primal and sensory instincts much more than we realize or care to admit.

Sil...

Ever watch the movie Species? In one scene, the evil alien Sil, intent on mating and reproducing, rejects a potential subject after she senses (sniffs out) he is diabetic.

We men are like Sil. Our selection of women is sensory. Our brain tells us to size up a woman and based on what we perceive, we select the one that we innately desire to have our babies in order to carry on our “line”. This explains why as much as we are interested in a woman’s brain, our eyes always stray to the bosom, waist, and booty. Ladies, if you are walking with your man in the mall and you don’t see his head on an automatic swivel every time a shapely woman walks by, it’s only because he is at that moment coaching himself to look straight ahead (in other words, he’s already seen her). And if you do notice the swivel, understand that it’s neurologically wired behavior.

Of course, the things we like about women vary to the individual, but whatever the trait: “confidence”, “sense of humor”, “nice smile”, “can cook”, “independent”, “employed” - they all translate to:

“Good mother/strong kids”.

Me, I like a woman who is 1) tall  2) athletic  3) intelligent and well-read  4) can cook a mean (pork-free) lasagna  5) won’t wash whites with colors in the laundry  6) believes in God (or better yet, is Muslim). Among others, these are things I am sure a lot of men would have on their list as well, but I think when we try to explain why, we fudge the answers. We say things like, “I want someone who will be my partner. Someone I can confide in and grow with.” Etc, etc.

Blah, blah, blah.

Look, I look for the above traits in women because if we have a kid(s), they won’t come out dumb as a rock. They will be well fed and grow up strong. And if I am away from the village, hunting and gathering and a mountain lion comes into the village, chances are Bae will be stand her ground and run that mangy cat (or dingo or bear) off, keeping the baby safe.

Oh sure, I want someone I can have long, meaningful conversations with. Someone I can laugh with. Someone who is sexy/sexual and affectionate, who is down to move or break a piece of furniture on a regular basis. Someone I can share a secret with and who entrust me with theirs.

Brittney can get it...

When I see Halle, Vivica, Rosario, Skylar, etc. I don’t just see us in bed or on the beach or in a Bentley along the beach – I’m thinking of Taj Jr. is most likely going to end up winning a spelling bee.  The thoughts are so primal, it explains why I’d be attracted to a lesbian like Brittney Griner. (Don’t judge me – there’s just something about Brittney that I am sure is biological – and for the record, I abhor her deep voice.) It also explains why I’d be attracted to someone with a “crazy” tag like Halle. (And also why I’ve actually been in relationships with a woman or two with that actual tag as well.)

My own daughter is a young, tall, beautiful woman. She can conjugate verbs, multiply, and solve quadratic equations. She can draw and paint, and cook the hell out of some greens. She can read Arabic and knows who to correctly apply a rear naked choke. And sorts laundry pretty good. She gets this religion and loves God. Her child or grandchild has a good probability to find the cure for cancer or author a seminal book on economics – if she herself doesn’t do it first.

All that is because I chose on a woman I thought looked like that fine-ass Nia Long (but taller!), who had a degree, already had 4 healthy kids, and wrote letters with good grammar and no misspellings (and didn’t confuse “their” with “there”).

Whether I had a kid or not – or have one in the future or not, my preferences remain the same. The important thing for men (and the women we chase) is to acknowledge and embrace (or even refine) what it is that drives us to relationships.

And I do mean relationships – sure, men and women often pursue each other for pleasure only – but the reality is that the outcome of this is simply sex. And for all the reasons men list for what we want in a woman, “sex” is rarely on that list.

Lastly, when we are asked this question of what we are looking for in a woman, men give all kinds of responses, but there is one response we should offer first and every time:

“Why do you want to know?”