The Jihad of Jonah...and Taj

Relating the story of Jonah, the Quran has it that it was his anger at the people of Nineveh for refusing his message of salvation that led him to flee from them and eventually end up swallowed by a big fish/whale.

I have an inkling of what that type of anger feels like, having been in the belly of the beast (prison) once as a teenager/young adult and inexplicably again recently (being in my 40s). I am sure that Jonah’s own belly burned white hot with righteous indignation that covered up feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

My own fire burned during my latest stint fueled by the fact that it came after nearly 2 decades of turning my life around from my first time down, as well as this latest conviction being the result of largely false accusations of domestic violence.

Over time this fire gives way to another flame – when you have to turn away from yourself to deal with your surroundings. Somehow Jonah had to reconcile what drove him away with the reality of now having to live in a fish gut.

Then comes the burn for freedom and reclaiming your life.  At this stage, Jonah had to accept that he disobeyed god and failed in his job. Me, I had to face my failure as a Muslim and a father – leaving my daughter to be looked after by her mother (and her boyfriend – ugh!), a leader and example for my communities, and so on…

So, you imagine and plan on getting out and getting back to what you failed, wanting to do it better this time – yet you also fear that there’s nothing or no one left with any interest in your need to crusade. Your heart burns for retribution and rejection.

It must’ve been hared for Jonah to forget in that claustrophobic darkness how the people rebuked and insulted him, even worse, how they rebuked God. Hard to forget the ship’s crew who turned against him and threw him overboard to save themselves from God’s storm. It was certainly hard for me to set aside the anger over my situation, especially as I dealt with being separated from my kid and an icy acidic estrangement from my mother that widened the gulf and created in my heart deeper feelings of helplessness and frustration. 

People had knocked my down, others had kicked me lying there, and they all would have to answer for it, is what eventually fumed over in conclusion.

At some point you realize that that anger is a distraction. Jonah was, after the emotional roller coaster stopped, still inside a fish.  Me, I was still inside of a prison.

So a new fire ignited and Jonah starts looking inward and becoming self-critical. Maybe begins to own his blunders, holding everyone less blameworthy (than himself).  Maybe he confronts things about himself and his past that we will never know about.

Why Allah chose a fish or whale (the Quran states “fish”) to chastise Jonah is a mystery – but it fits in an allegorical sense. The sea represents worldliness – there’s more water than land on our planet – and death. The fish, living where man cannot, represents piety and salvation.

Instead of using anger as a salve, I had to learn to turn towards that which is more perfect, what is the source of healing and salvation. For Jonah and I, that was Allah Himself.  The function of the stomach is to break down food to its basic nutrients – not unlike a smelter purifies precious metal, drawing it out of ore.  There Jonah was, being broken down to the quick – purified to the point of realizing there was nowhere to turn but God…in prayer.

Both the Quran and Bible record a version of Jonahs prayer. In a quranic verse that is called the “greatest verse”, when Jonah proclaims God’s majesty and praiseworthiness, and acknowledges his own disobedience and shortcomings, it is then that he is saved by Allah, vomited ashore.

As my own release drew near, I struggled mightily to wrestled down my own desires for payback and requital and focused on renewing and reclaiming my faith and my life. I took solace in the fact that God didn’t just throw Jonah on shore and leave him, but comforted him set him back on task. This time would be different; the people of Nineveh would listen and be saved from destruction.

As I struggle forward in life – back on my own shore - I am grateful that the road ahead lies straight still, no matter how difficult my steps will be. I have been comforted by so many people who looked out for me, who never pre-judged me, and who welcomed me back – with actions, not just mantras.  I see myself walking back down the path to Niveneh – following Jonah’s footsteps…I hope.